You’ve grown up with Tamera Mowry-Housely and her twin sister Tia. But now that she’s on the new talkshow The Real, you are getting to know her in a new way. The wife, mother and all around funny girl has opened up about everything from being a virgin until she was 29 to being the conservative one at the table.
In an exclusive interview with CocoaFab, she dished on more than just her new talk show. She gave us a great roadmap for women who are trying to get married and be mothers. “I’m very traditional. I’m old school and that’s just how I am. It’s in my DNA,” says Tamera. “I had to get to the point where I just had to embrace carrying the torch for the traditional girls out there. I love representing the traditional black woman.”
So for all of the traditional black girls out there (and those who went the wild route but are game for a challenge), here are Tamera‘s top six ways to be a good girl in marriage and motherhood.
1. Don’t be rachet. Be refined.
“Like my grandmother always said, ‘dare to be different’,” says Tamera. While it’s popular these days to be the Rihanna to his Chris (okay, sans the abuse fiasco), consider being different from all of the overly sexy, turnt up girls. Guys want someone who stands out from the crowd. Remember, there’s a HUGE difference between wifey and wife! Don’t get it twisted.
2. Practice doesn’t make perfect when it comes to sex
“If you start having sex at such a young age, by the time you’re in your 30s and 40s, it’s old. And you’re trying many different ways to keep it new,” says Tamera. “I wanted to experience all of that once I got married and living with my husband.” Perhaps trying all of the kama sutra positions with your jumpoffs and boyfriends isn’t the best thing. After all, that will leave nothing new to explore for your husband.
3. Shacking up may be a recipe for disaster.
“I’m also conservative about relationships like living together before you’re married. We just spoke about that and I don’t think you should. I didn’t want to live with my boyfriend because I wanted to get married to experience that. All the other girls, except for Jeannie, wanted to know what they were getting before they got married. My position is that I’m jumping into this thing on faith,” says Tamera says of debating the topic on The Real. “Statistics show that if you live with your husband before you’re married, divorce rates are higher.” Cohabitating before marriage may also make the goal of marriage less important because you’re already playing house. You know the saying about the cow and the free milk… right!
4. Motherhood is the CEO position you’ve been waiting for
“I get called the 1950s mom all the time. I never thought that wanting to be with your child all the time, would be considered being a 1950s mom,” says Tamera of juggling jobs and motherhood. But reality tv and business deals take a backseat to family. “Before I had Aden, I was in control of as much as humanly possible I thought. And having Aden taught me, ‘Tamera you just have to let that go.’ You just have to live day by day, take it an hour at a time. I don’t overwhelm myself and I prioritize. My family is number one. So whatever makes my son happy, my husband happy, that’s what I do.”
5. Organic and homemade are a black girl’s best friend
“I make my baby food myself. It’s healthier but it’s more time consuming, but it is cheaper. A lot of the baby foods out there have GMOs, genetically modified foods, in them and they have preservatives and chemicals and that are being linked to autism. It’s not a proven fact but it is assumed to be linked to autism,” says Tamera who insists that making baby food isn’t just a white girl fad. “So I buy organic food for my baby and I make it. I buy, blend it, freeze it and it’s all mine. Yep, I work and I make the food. It’s possible. I also nursed for a really long time and that’s the best thing you can do. I did it while I was working. My thing is I will go to the extreme for my child to have the best. It’s just in me. It may be tiring and exhausting but I do it.”
6. Having it all together is no fun
“I remember when I first had Aden, naturally you want to be the best mom you can be, I wanted to do everything. I did everything to the best of my ability and I was stressing myself out because you have to learn to just relax and know that every day isn’t going to be perfect. You cant control everything,” says Tamera. “I was OCD but I was never organized so my house will be really clean but under a bed will be a mess, and the drawers will be a mess. Now the only way I can think straight is if I organize things in my life. But you’re never going to have that 100% down.” Remember, do what you can, while you can, the best you can and enjoy the ride along the way.